In the 1700s Swiss Physician Samuel Tissot published Onanism; A Treaties on the Maladies Produced by Masturbation.

Without evidence, he claimed that stroking your own penis not only offended God, but also depleted men's bodies of precious semen, which caused disability, insanity, illness and death. Yes DEATH!!

Something about loss of semen equated to loss of blood - not sure where it was leaking from?! The blood simply redistributes around the body.

"The book was translated into many languages and became a bestseller, demonizing masturbation around the world." Michael Castleman author of Sizzling Sex for Life.

This and many other views on masturbation are everywhere when you look at the history of sex. I mean Kelloggs Corn Flakes were created because a boring diet was meant to stop lustful thoughts!

And Premature ejaculation was cured by vasectomies! There are centuries of information showing similar 'beliefs' until the 1950s when things started to change.

It changed from the work of Alfred Kinsey, a pioneer of sexual research. His researched found that masturbation was a healthy and natural outlet of sexuality, and the foundation of all partnered activities. YAY!

What I always found interesting while studying his work, is that to get this information, he didn't ask "Do you masturbate?" but instead assumed everyone did and asked about habits. By switching the wording he got people to open up, because it reassured participants that 'everyone' was doing it.

I agree with Kinsey, masturbation is as much about health as it is pleasure. And, mutual partner satisfaction.

AND it is definitely, 100%, NOT just for men.

However, you'd be forgiven for thinking otherwise, research and historical recording is mainly about male sexuality.

The point of me including this small history lesson, is to explain that the shame and guilt that we have around masturbation is completely understandable. We've literally been brought up on information that screams 'DANGER'.

Whether you do, or don't because it is your body and always your decision, it is healthy sexual expression.

You aren't alone in your thinking ....

My personal sexual history includes a similar story I hear all the time. That we hide our solo-sexual experiences from our partners, because we 'should' be having sex with them if we want an orgasm. I spent many years keeping my vibrator stashed away, using it only on the nights that my hubby was away. Today, I don't feel guilty about having a quick solo-tumble, because I want the rush of endorphins and the feeling of sleepiness that it can give me. It is about me!

So if you do partake in this wonder of solo-love, here are a few ideas to spice it up ...

#1 Mix up how you masturbate

It is easy to go straight for the vibrator, or a toy when masturbating. To stick with the same position. The same time. Especially if it is easy and quick to get you off.
But just like any exercise, our bodies can get used to it, and we get bored. The orgasms become less intense even.
So, break your habit. Change the time of day, the position you lay in, the toy you use, watch yourself, make more noise, go faster or slower. Just break the cycle you are in.

#2 Heighten the pleasure with frequency

Treat masturbation as you would a regular occurrence in your schedule. If you are comfortable trying it, then masturbate every day for two weeks, and see how you feel.

Treat it like an experiment, even tell your partner what you are doing (and if you need to, reassure them that it is not a replacement for sex or an avoidance tactic)

See what is amazing, is that women have no refractory period. That means we have the ultimate ability for continuous pleasure. That means just because you masturbated doesn't mean you aren't having sex later!! It means more pleasure to come ... YUM!

#3 Delicious mutual shared satisfaction

In other words, get masturbating together. Make it a partner affair. It is hot to watch! And even better, its a teaching moment 😉 because you can be showing exactly how you like to be touched AND be learning how they like to be touched.

I remember the first time I watched and realised he grips it MUCH harder than I would have thought enjoyable, but I was wrong, and I found that out.

OH and a bonus one, the next time you are feeling a little stressed, instead of going to the chocolate, have you thought about flying solo?

Whether you decide to give any of these a 'go' or not, the thing I really want you to take away from this post is that masturbation is not a shameful act, not a replacement for partnered sex and is a healthy form of sexual expression.

ENJOY!!!

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Jessica Staniforth

I’m a huge believer that opening up conversation around sex, with our partners, friends, family and communities will lead to more fulfilling and healthy sexual relationships. With conversation comes understanding, growth and a feeling that we are not all alone! I also love reading reverse harem romances, eating lots of ice-cream and nights when I have a babysitter.

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