Sex is not all about you, we have a responsibility to the next generation

Sex is not ALL about you! Quite a bold statement to make, when most of the time I talk about reclaiming your sexuality, giving you the power to have long-lasting relationships, trust and pleasure. And it really is about this, however you might not realise that in the long-run it won’t all be about you.

If this is the first time you’ve come across me, not seen my videos or read my content yet, then let me introduce myself. My name is Jessica and I’m a 21st century sex educator, desire and intimacy coach, a plus size woman, a wife, a mum to two, a non-tea drinker, how very unbritish, and I spend too much money on unworn shoes, I’m probably not alone there!

What do I mean by 'not about you'?

Simply, I mean that by making changes to your own life, you’ll be a part of something bigger, something incredible. You’ll be one of the catalysts for the next generation to live full pleasurable lives, without embarrassment, fear and shame when it comes to sex.

By us being selfish and fighting for our own pleasure and happiness, we will teach our children to reach for the same.

I have two missions when it comes to why I started down the root of sexology training and education, the first to empower women to understand themselves as sexual beings. The second, to break the cycle that has been rampant for generations, the passing down of incorrect, outdated, patriarchal biased information about sex and relationships.

Our history has ruled so much of the story.

  1. From western science looking more at the male form when it comes to human anatomy study, particularly genitals, because of ease, the penis and testicles being clearly on the outside of the body. Side note here, female genitalia is on the outside, the vulva just isn’t as protruding.
  2. The clitoris being left in obscurity and dismissed by influential and trusted professionals such as Sigmund Freud, and only in the last 20 years becoming more understood and discussed.
  3. To the introduction of the contraceptive pill in the 60s which allowed women to have sexual relationships for pleasure, not just for reproduction. That was only 60 years ago, relatively short time ago if you think about how long we’ve been roaming this planet.
These histories are rampant in our life stories and experiences today.

All of us will be able to name a few things that have held us back from our true sexual selves and pleasures because of a judgement or it going against the societal norm. As a species humans are tribal, we don’t want to be kicked out in the cold, so go with the flow.

I often talk about how I find it difficult to find nice underwear, it is both frustrating but also sends a message that fat bodies shouldn’t be wearing it, that they aren’t attractive and can’t be sexy.

What if the next generation are brought up in a world where sex is empowering, freeing and 'pretty darn awesome'? Not something to fear or be shameful about.

What if by working on ourselves and who we are, teaches them to do the same.

I would love to live in this world, where my children were free to express themselves sexually, to love whoever they want without judgement.

If starting the first step seems hard, well it is, because we’ve been taught to ensure others happiness over our own. So why not make this your reason. You could technically argue you are doing it for other people, you just get some massive benefits along the way!

Sex, desire, intimacy, relationship coaching is about you in the first instances, but in the long-run it will be about them, it will make a difference to generations to come, and I want this to be my legacy, being part of this change, breaking the cycle.

Break the cycle with me!?

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Jessica Staniforth

I’m a huge believer that opening up conversation around sex, with our partners, friends, family and communities will lead to more fulfilling and healthy sexual relationships. With conversation comes understanding, growth and a feeling that we are not all alone! I also love reading reverse harem romances, eating lots of ice-cream and nights when I have a babysitter.

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