I’m going to start with a quick bit of insight…. Sexting is a learnt art!

I know this, because my husband is RUBBISH at it… and I mean completely rubbish. I once sent him a message offering myself up when he got home, that I’d sent the kids to mums, you know that kind of message… the reply was ‘OK’… you have to laugh, and it was the reason why I wanted to write this. Sexting is not always as easy as it seems,

Sexting has grown in popularity over the years since it first came on to the scene around 2008, even more so that we can now message images without incurring a hefty charge.

So what is sexting exactly?

It is when someone sends or receives a sexually explicit image, video or text message on their mobile phone, computer or tablet. It can include nude, nearly nude, photos or selfies and messages that propose or refer to sex to sexual acts.

It has become so popular, even with the 50+ generation, because it is much easier to share from behind a screen. Easier to talk ‘dirty’ when you cannot see a partners face. You can delete a picture until you get the perfect angle and light to send. In fact, it can offer a greater opportunity for sexual expression, when used the right way.

It can be an intimate experience between two consensual parties. It is great way for couples with busy schedules to stay romantically connected, even when they are travelling, working and living apart. A few choice words can breathe excitement into a relationship, set the stage for what is to come and create some real anticipation. It can also feel naughty, making you feel carefree and alive – when was the last time you flirted with your partner?

What to sext?

Before you think I’m about to offer up some actually ideas, nope you can google those if you want, I want to share with you some other considerations before you start sexting. I’m talking planning and strategy, for that amazing end goal.

Do you have some ideas you could put in practice?

Now, the serious part….

Although I like to have fun when talking sex I would fail you all if I didn’t also get real with you – sexting does not come without repercussions, you need to take care.

When I started research facts about sexting, the majority of the articles that came up were aimed at parents, of children as young as 13, receiving sexual explicit texts, images and video and how to deal with that. Sexting can be fun, but let’s be serious about it for one minute, and realise that like all things sexual, there are people who take it too far, that are not educated enough to understand it or how to deal with it.

Sexts can outlast your relationships! You need to completely trust the discretion and privacy of the person you are sending them too.

I spoke to Carol Graham, founder of the North Hampshire Clinic, and she shared her top tips on being a ‘safe and sexy sexter’:

  1. Make sure you and anyone you are sexting are over 18.
  2. Be sure who you are sending your saucy sexts to and think about the level of genuine respect they might have for your privacy, trust and reputation. Remember, you may be in love now, but will they still have the same regard for you if you should split in the future.
  3. Send then delete. If you’re sending or receiving racy notes or photos, delete them straight after you’ve sent/received them and maybe ask your partner to do the same. A lost or stolen mobile phone could mean that your stolen pics are uploaded in a heartbeat. There is also the other horrible possibility of your kids innocently flipping through your texts or photos!
  4. Lose your head! If you are hell-bent on sending the picture that leaves nothing to the imagination and you can’t guarantee it’s safe-keeping, neck down may be best.
  5. If you’re dating, keep expectations based on Sexting in check. Getting hot by text doesn’t mean you’ll get hot in person. Don’t over sell or over promise, you may want to get to know your new hottie better outside the bedroom, before you promise too much too soon.
  6. No false advertising, your lies will find you out! Online daters are all too familiar with dates that show up looking 20 years older than their picture. If you are serious about forming a genuine relationship, be as genuine as you want your partner to be. Don’t talk about your yacht, your virginity or your massive manhood if it doesn’t really exist.

Now you have all of this juicy information…. Are you a sexter? Will you give it a try? Let me know, share your thoughts with me on Facebook or drop me an email!

Let’s connect!

Jessica Staniforth

I’m a huge believer that opening up conversation around sex, with our partners, friends, family and communities will lead to more fulfilling and healthy sexual relationships. With conversation comes understanding, growth and a feeling that we are not all alone! I also love reading reverse harem romances, eating lots of ice-cream and nights when I have a babysitter.

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