9 ways to ignite your fire

Affectionate touch outside the bedroom could have dropped off the radar. Without evening noticing, from those little caresses to holding hands. Studies have shown that touch signals to the body a wave of safety and trust. Which is why a cuddle is so powerful.

There are two parts to this. Firstly, stop making kissing a routine, that happens only when they are leaving the house for example. Do it spontaneously. Secondly, to really get that connection going, it needs to be 6-seconds or longer. At this point you are more conscious of the feeling, rather than the peck on the lips that is missed.

The ideal is of course that we don’t NEED the compliment, but blimey they feel good right? So does giving them. And the more you compliment your partner (and others) the more likely it is to get them back, positive words become a normal occurrence, and give a glow.

How often do you talk to anyone about sex? Being a taboo subject it is usually avoided during ‘normal’ conversation. I think it is time we changed that. It is time to talk to your partner about sex, about what you like, what you don’t like, what you want to try, a fantasy, a desire. Have the conversation outside of the bedroom, and not when you are emotionally charged. I.e. avoid the talk when you are frustrated about something, it can often back-fire. The best advice here I can give, is plan some time in the diary to sit down at the table and chat, do it instead of watching TV. Give it you full attention. (Or of course book an appointment with me 😉)

So much of our lives is better with a routine, I personally love school days (not school pick-up!) because it structures my day. However, routine needs to be broken now and then. If sex is initiated in the same way, each and every time, you need to change it up.

Devices can definitely make our lives better, but they also help us avoid intimacy. Drawn into a video on YouTube, reading the news on our phones, playing a game. I’m even guilty of playing a game on my phone whilst watching the TV! Instead, turn everything off, sit together, talk or not, but just be in each other’s company completely.

Accepting that things change in life is a game changer when it comes to incredible sex. Stop looking back and wishing, look forward and make new moments.

If sex is a chore, you do it for your partner before yourself, you find it hard to get in the mood, then you really need to understand why you want to have sex, and who you are as a sexual person, to truly have ‘hot’ sex. The starting point, write your ‘turn on and off’ list.