Sex has a way of sliding down the list of priorities.

Yet, it is NOT because we don’t like sex anymore.

Do you ever turn to your partner, immediately after sex and say

"WOW, why don’t we do that more often?"

My hand is in the air too!

The reason we don’t have sex as much as we think we should? In my opinion, is because the view of sex in society is so skewed for women.

"We want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed"

As eloquently put by Usher ...SIGH!

I’m 100% in the camp that sex/desire for cis-gendered males is HUGELY different for cis-gendered females. Our brains are just not wired the same. Yet the story of sex has been researched and shared from a primarily male perspective, making small adjustments and presumptions for women.

Interesting.... I found out recently that the only reason a woman's calorie allowance per day is 2000, is because it is simply a percentage of a mans. Just knock off 20%, that will do!

I generalise here, but….

  • Men are able to compartmentalise better – which means they can shut off that really crappy day and still get an erection.
  • Most men have spontaneous desire – which means they can simply decide to have sex, without any other stimulus, and off they go (often mistaken for the myth that they ‘always’ want sex)
  • Male brains are more singularly focused – which means they are shooting towards one goal, the mind not wandering off to the next task at hand.

A lot of what we love about being a woman can be a hinderance to us when it comes to sex!

I already mentioned that sex is much more encompassing than the surface. An immediate definition of sex would take us to penis in vagina penetration. Yet this is such a small part of it! It is the before, it is the after, it is everything from A-Z.

Let’s get to the nitty gritty, the title of this piece is 9 ways to ignite the fire... so lets look at those ...

All or none of these might work for you, because we are each amazing individual awesome beings, the most important thing – try!

I leave you with “If you aim at nothing, you hit nothing.

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Jessica Staniforth

I’m a huge believer that opening up conversation around sex, with our partners, friends, family and communities will lead to more fulfilling and healthy sexual relationships. With conversation comes understanding, growth and a feeling that we are not all alone! I also love reading reverse harem romances, eating lots of ice-cream and nights when I have a babysitter.

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